Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Am I still a virgin at 12 years of age?

I know at the age of 12, I am not supposed to have a boyfriend who is 18 years of age. I am currently in JSS 2. I have a boyfriend and don’t know if I should call off the relationship or not. I really didn’t plan to have a relationship at my age. We live in different parts of the country and got connected through the Newspapers; though my number got into the newspaper by mistake. Unlike other boys who called talking frivolities on the phone, he was different. He offered me encouragement and told me of the need to face my studies.
I really don’t want to get involved with any man until I am 16. When I brought up the issue of whether he has had sex before, he told me not to even think about sex.
Agatha, please I now want to think about it because at a very tender age, I was involved in sex. I want to know if I am still a virgin.
Confused Girl.

Dear Confused Girl,
Were you abused as a child or did you go into it of your own accord? If you were abused by someone you know, even under the law at your age, you and your parents can still prosecute the man.
This is because his act has damaged you psychologically as well as sexually for the man you want to marry. The fact that you are already having boyfriend at 12 is enough reason for such a man to face the full wrath of the law.
But something tells me from the tone of your letter, that your curiosity did get the better of you at the time you decided to experiment with this very adult game. It is clear you have gotten yourself involved in a league far above your years, experience and knowledge.

Even at your proposed age of 16 years, you will still be too young to engage in the activities you have started to enjoy.
The journey you have embarked on is a very dangerous one that has the ability to totally consume you even before you know what is happening to you.
A woman’s life is departmentalized into three categories. Each stage in the life of the woman is to help her become responsible and gain full advantage of her body as desired by God.
Every woman at birth comes with all her eggs, everything she needs to become a mother. All she needs are the right nutrients to help her develop well and healthy for the task of child bearing.
The premenstrual stage of a woman’s life is when her body reproductive organs and body grow into maturity. When a young girl begins to have sex before her body matures, she risks damage to some sensitive organs inside her body. For instance, the pressure of a man’s organ inside her body could cause extensive damage to her bladder which is why some young girls end up suffering from Vesico Vaginal Fistula . This comes about when a young premature girl either begins to have sex early or she gets pregnant and in the process of childbirth, her still tender bladder gets damaged. Also, premature sex could have delayed medical consequencs in the life of the young woman; the very reason you must be careful of the kind of lifestyle you are about to adopt.
At 12, your life has not even started at all. Therefore, whatever you are doing with this man or have done with any other man should be left in the past. Your life is more important than whatever sensual feelings you have for any other man.
What if you get pregnant at your age? What would become of you and your plans to be successful in life? How would you feel if you see other young girls like you going to school making a huge success of their lives while you are a mother?
Some young girls have been known to get pregnant at the onset of their first ovulation. Because they have never had a menstruation, there is no way for them to know they are pregnant until it is too late.
Besides, there are so many emotional and spiritual implications for a woman especially a young one like you who is ignorant in the ways of men and women.
Today, so many women are suffering from childlessness, troubled lives and are emotionally unstable as a result of the kinds of men they slept with and the choices they made with these men. Sex itself is a strong kind of covenant between a man and woman. By the time you are ready to marry, you would have entered too many unholy covenants with so many men than you care to remember.
And by the time you start experiencing some challenges, you won’t know where to look for solutions. There is also the issue of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). Some of these diseases do not begin to manifest until they have gone into their tertiary stages, the dangerous state when treatment is almost impossible. In addition to Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS), there are the more deadly syphilis and Hepatitis. Although gonorrhea is generally thought to be the milder of the STDs, the female body can conceal the presence of the infection until it is too late. The same thing applies to many of the STDs when it comes to the women.
Unlike men whose early detection of the presence of these diseases in their bodies help them seek urgent medical attention, women because of the internal position of their reproductive organs often go unnoticed until at advanced stages.
Gladly the new man in your life appears reasonable; asking you not to contemplate sex at your age showcases him as one who has plans. But because a lot of things can go wrong; turn a man’s good intentions for a woman to bad ones, discontinue contact with him. When the time is right for you to begin having relationships with men, if he is still around, then God has planned him into your life.
On the issue of being a virgin; once your seal is broken, there is no replacing it. It has gone forever. A woman can only be deflowered once in her lifetime. So if you have had sex or experienced any kind of deep penetration be it fingers or otherwise; chances are you might have lost your virginity. The only way to confirm whether you are a virgin or not, is through the process of medical examination.
There is no way your number could have gotten to the Newspaper House by mistake if you didn’t give it to them. If you didn’t give it to them, you reserve the right to query the media house as to how they came about your number. So the idea that you didn’t give it to them is a lie.
But beyond that, is the issue of your own perspective to life. What are your dreams for yourself? What and who do you want to be in life? Your age is the time, people plan their lives; have dreams to pursue in their teenage and youthful years. If your dream now is to have a boyfriend, it will be very difficult for you to do anything else with your life because men to a child your age is a huge distraction; one you don’t need and which you will forever regret.
That you are in JSS2 is an encouragement that you have what it takes to make it in life if only you know how to set your priorities. For the sake of your future as well as the children you will have one day, strive to apply the brakes, if not for your sake but for the sake of the children you plan some day. This is especially because of the daughters you will have; so they don’t think your ways and choices are the best for them.
Since the awareness of sex has been created; telling you not to go into it is rather belated but you can help yourself with the same measure of interest you have in sex to buy back your future. It is a simple matter of channeling your interest into a more positive area; one that will help you come to terms with your own usefulness to yourself as well as the society.
Your life is worth more than you are willing to give it.
If you are in Lagos, please find the time to come to our office, Independent Newspapers, 7d Wempco Road, Ogba, Ikeja Lagos I really want to talk to you. If live outside Lagos, send a text, I will call you so we can have a mother-daughter talk.
Good luck.

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