Friday 5 October 2012

My stepfather messed me up; I can’t face my mother!

Some happenings are just incomprehensible. Would you blame the teenage girl who allowed her stepfather take her out? Or the man who decided to sleep with mother and daughter?
She needs your help. 
Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,
Please, help me out. I never knew the trouble I was getting myself into when this  issue started. If I knew it was going to end up this way I would have confided in someone or my mother before I agreed to do what ‘daddy’ - my stepfather asked of me.
I thought he liked me and wanted me to have fun I did not realise he was going to put me in trouble. I am 18, a 200 level undergraduate in one of the state owned universities. When I was in senior secondary school three, my mother who had been taking care of my younger brother and I as a single mother met and eventually married another man and because he took us like his own children it was not difficult for us to call him ‘daddy’.
When I gained admission into the university, he paid all my fees and made sure that I got a very good accommodation. He also made it a point of duty to visit me regularly and whenever he came on visit he would give me enough money; even more than I needed.

Initially, whenever he came I would call my mother to tell her so that she would know that daddy came to see me. But he told me to stop telling my mother as it was his duty.
When I passed into 200 levels he started coming to see me in company of his friends and they would sometimes take my friends and I out. Later, ‘daddy’ started dating one of my friends. I saw no reason to tell mum because I felt what she does not know would not hurt her.
Later one of daddy’s friends who was a regular visitor with him asked me out. I refused, but daddy said there was nothing strange in it and that he would not stand and watch his friend mess me up. He stated that it was better for me to date his friend who would take care of me instead of dating boys of my age who would mess me up.
I agreed because I trusted and believed him. One evening, daddy came alone to school and picked me and my friends to a party which was supposed to hold in another town. His friend who was my boyfriend was not there. When I asked after him daddy said he would join us. It was an all night party, so we checked into a hotel. Daddy came and gave me a drink and he asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I have had sex before, I told him I had a boyfriend in my 100 level, but that I was still a virgin.
He did not say anything; he left for his room where my friend was with him. He came back later to give me a drink. I took it and didn’t know when or how I slept off. I however woke up, and saw dad naked beside me. The reality dawned on me, daddy had deflowered me. I started crying, this woke him up. He pleaded with me and said it was better if he deflowered me instead of his friend. I felt bad, but I couldn’t tell anybody.
That was how daddy and his friend started having sex with me. I however did not know how my friend who was dating daddy got to know. She started making a fuss about it. She told some of our other classmates and it became a scandal in school.
One of my cousins who is in my school heard about the issue and instead of asking me, she went to tell my mother. I don’t know what to tell her, she asked me to come home but I cannot go. Daddy said I should deny everything. Can I really deny it in my mother’s presence? Apart from this, I am facing serious stigmatisation in school. If I could go home, I would have left the school, but I can’t go home too. I realise that what I got myself involved in was very wrong. as if that was not enough, when I told daddy that I don’t want to sleep with or go out with him and his friends again, he also hanged to me. Please, I don’t know what to do. I want to go back to my mum, I don’t know what to do or how to go to her. Please, help me.

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